Insanity – Day 21
It turns out there are a list of things which are unachievable the morning after an Insanity gym session: walking upstairs, walking down stairs, hanging the washing on the line, sitting down for the toilet and lastly bending to kiss a child on the head. As my three children and their un-kissed heads went off to school and with my wet washing sitting in the basket, I sat considering the warning signs.
The clues were all there. The name of the class in itself shouts “Insanity!” Another clue was talking to my gym-going friends (I have two of them and I am very proud of them). I tend to tell them what I am doing and gauge their reaction from what I call the wince-o-metre. This time, their response was off the chart. The “ooooo” was loud, the cheekbones pronounced and the eyebrows ventured north to the hairline. Yes, I didn’t need to be Sherlock to know that this one would be a toughie.
Mike the instructor was extremely reassuring and told me that I was lucky to join that evening, as they were doing the Insanity fitness test. Oh, joy! I was handed a sheet with a list of moves which would be tested later. One was called Suicide Jumps. I signed the disclaimer, which felt like an omen. As I took myself off to the back of the class, the alarm bells were ringing at full power. I liked the actual venue, though, more village hall vibe than a gym with mirrors. Mirrors are bad.
So, to the warm-up. Bang, straight into it! Mike must have had springs in his shoes. He looked like a cross between Mr Motivator and Tigger after a vat full of Smarties, which was quite distracting in a good way and certainly made me smile. Warm-up done, we were on to the actual test. One minute to do as many of the moves as possible and then write down the score. I switch kicked, power jacked and planked my way through, unable to count my score; counting was not an ability I was able to harness while jumping around, wishing I had gone to the toilet beforehand.
Mike’s enthusiasm started going through the roof, as the class wailed and groaned through the final stages of the test. It reminded me of childbirth; the pain of contractions and the accompanying sounds and then a 30 second respite to wipe the brow and take on fluids, before it started all over again. Mike bounded around the room, demonstrating each move and embracing the lactic acid. Another reason I like being in a mirrorless environment is that when the instructor’s back is turned, you can be sneaky and stop and then resume the position when he/she turns back. Kind of reminiscent of the “What’s the time Mr Wolf?” game.
Once the test was finished, we moved onto a regular Insanity class and bounced about in different ways - working those glutes, abs and my favourite the core. Obviously, the class was physically demanding but you went at your own level and the moves could be simplified. Best of all though, you burn between 600-1000 calories! The other people in the class said the first class was always the toughest. It couldn’t be that bad, though, as they had all returned and were glowing about the benefits. Maybe Monday is a good day to give your body a proper workout, to get over the excess of the weekend?
I considered this the following morning and thought about my next challenge tomorrow evening - rowing. I am not sure how I am going to get myself in the boat, pick up the oar or get myself in a sitting position. I considered my options and decided the best course of action is to run myself a hot bath and pop a dozen ice cubes from the ice cube tray into the bath. I know Andy Murray does something like that, so maybe it will do the trick?
Sofa Dodger; One Woman's Quest to Try 100 Different Sports and Fitness Classes in a Year is available on Amazon, please click here